Relax, Relate, Release

This afternoon I went for a massage. I love getting massages. I hate forking over the money for them. It's too easy for me to think of other things that I could put my money toward--gasoline, for example. Or heat. But every time I indulge in a massage I promise myself that I go more often than the one or two times a year that I've been going.

My need to get a massage more often than a lunar eclipse was evidenced by the enormous amount of tension in my neck and back today. Most of my work is done at a computer, so I spend many hours a week doing my best Hunchback of Notre Dame imitation. Needless to say, that makes for some vicious knots in my back that even Houdini would have a tough time unraveling. When my masseuse began working on my neck today, she felt along one side of it and remarked, "That ridge is outrageous." I don't think she meant that as a compliment.

I knew I was pretty tight in my neck and back, but it wasn't until the masseuse began working on them that I really felt the extent of the tension. I actually have a hard time relaxing during a massage. Crazy as that sounds, I have to remind myself to relax and let the masseuse take care of me. It usually takes a good twenty minutes or so into the massage before I can really feel myself relaxing and not tensing up when the masseuse begins to work on a new area.

One time when I was getting a massage, the masseuse began to lift my arm and reposition it. I instinctively moved the arm for her, trying to be helpful. She gently scolded me, telling me to just relax and let her work on me. I'll admit that that's not always easy to do, not because I don't want someone pampering me, but because I'm so used to taking care of myself that it's second nature for me to try to be helpful.

Sadly, my helpful attempts aren't usually limited to the spa. (I will say, however, that I have gotten better about allowing the masseuse to move me instead of moving myself.) More times than I care to admit, I struggle with relaxing and allowing God to work on me. I want to "help" Him out; unfortunately, my idea of "help" usually ends up causing a big mess and is often anything but helpful.

Sometimes it's hard to just relax and allow God to bless me without feeling like I need to be doing something to "earn" those blessings. Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that He delights in me, not because of anything that I've done, but by virtue of the fact that I'm His. I find it interesting that rest is one of the things that Jesus promises when we come to Him, and yet many of us struggle so much with resting in Him.

I know that one of the ways that I could relax easier on the massage table would be to actually come in for a massage more often, so that I don't let so much tension build up in my body. Perhaps the same philosophy applies to my desire to rest in Jesus--seeking rest from Him more often may be the key to finding it altogether.

What are your thoughts? How do you find rest in Jesus? How do you resist the temptation to "help" Him out from time to time?

What God Didn't Do with Hannah

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Hannah in the book of I Samuel. For any of us who have had to endure months or even years of waiting on God, this story can be a great comfort. It seems that every time I read it I discover some new little nugget of insight that I hadn't noticed before, and it always encourages me.

My latest discovery is God's reaction to Hannah's crying out to Him for a child. Of course, I am aware of what He did--granting her plea and giving her not only the son she asked for but three more sons and two daughters as well--but this time I thought about what God didn't do.

He didn't chastise Hannah for asking for what He hadn't yet given her. He didn't offer an explanation as to why He'd not given her a child, nor did He take away that desire for all those years that it went unmet. He didn't tell Hannah that if she were good enough or do exactly what He said that He'd give her what she wanted.

This one is probably the most encouraging to me--unlike her husband, Elkanah, God didn't tell her that she should be content with having a relationship with Him and not ask for more. Sometimes I feel guilty for having desires that are going unanswered; sometimes I think that I should just be content with having a close relationship with God and not want for anything more. I have to remind myself that God created me with certain desires--good, Godly desires that I'm meant to feel. That doesn't mean that He'll always grant them, but crying out to Him in prayer in response to those desires is, I think, something He delights in and holds dear.

Anyone else have some insights into the story of Hannah that have encouraged you?

The "What If?" Game

One of the more tempting, albeit dangerous, games that my mind likes to play from time to time is the "What If?" game. You know how it goes: you begin looking back on past circumstances and relationships and wonder how things might have turned out differently.

What if I hadn't entered that relationship? What if I hadn't ended it? What if I'd moved there? What if I'd taken that job? What if I'd taken that risk? What if I'd been more careful? What if I'd spoken up? What if I'd kept my mouth shut?

Considering how much I tend to analyze (and re-analyze) my decisions, playing the "What If?" game is not necessarily a healthy thing for me to do. The fact is, no amount of second-guessing can change the past. It's all too easy to look back on the past with 20/20 hindsight and see clearly the land mines we could have avoided. But there's no changing what we've done.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't ever look back; in fact, we can learn a lot from our past and make changes to help keep from making the same mistakes again. Recognizing patterns of unhealthy behaviors and relationships has helped me work toward changing those patterns.

Continually dwelling on the past and contemplating what might have been not only keeps us from moving forward, but it also keeps us from seeing how God is able to redeem our past mistakes and sins. Nothing that we've done can thwart His plans for us. Nothing we've done has caught Him off guard. He is sovereign in ALL things.

I wish I could say that I'm not still tempted at times to play the "What If?" game. I'm trying to be more aware of when my mind starts thinking that way, reminding myself that I can't change the past but God can use my past for my good and for His glory.

The Sovereignty of God

Our first priority in times of adversity is to honor and glorify God by trusting Him. We tend to make our first priority the gaining of relief from our feelings of heartache or disappointment or frustration. This is a natural desire, and God has promised to give us grace sufficient for our trials and peace for our anxieties (2 Corinthians 12:9, Philippians 4:6-7). But just as God's will is to take precedence over our will (Jesus Himself said, "Yet not as I will, but as You will" Matthew 26:39), so God's honor is to take precedence over our feelings. We honor God by choosing to trust Him when we don't understand what He is doing or why He has allowed some adverse circumstance to occur. As we seek God's glory, we may be sure that He has purposed our good and that He will not be frustrated in fulfilling that purpose. (Trusting God by Jerry Bridges, pg. 52)

Something Unexpected

Some of the best experiences I've had have been unexpected. God continually surprises me with His plans for my life, and once again He's surprised me with another mission trip.

My first trip was in 2008 to Guatemala as part of a medical missions team. This time, I'll be traveling to a country in the near east [I'm withholding specifics due to security reasons], where our team will be working with a missionary couple there that our church sponsors. The country we'll be visiting is largely Muslim. The opportunity to reach out to those who don't know Christ is great.

I've actually wanted to go on a mission trip to this particular country for a couple of years now, but the timing hadn't worked out. To be honest, I didn't think I'd go this year, either. After hearing about the mission trips that our church was planning for 2010, I debated and prayed about applying for a return trip to Guatemala or going on the near east trip. I could never get a real sense of whether to apply for either trip, however, and when the application deadline came and went I assumed that a trip was not in my forecast for 2010.

Little did I know that God indeed had a trip in store for me. A few days after the deadline, our missions minister called and asked if I'd be interested in joining the near east team. Just that morning, I'd confessed to God that I felt that I'd been selfish with my time, and asked Him for opportunities to share my time more freely with others. Hours later, here was the answer to the prayer--an opportunity to give up pretty much all of my vacation time for the year to go minister to others half a world away.

As I continued to pray about whether or not I should go, other confirmations came up. I discussed the possibility of the trip with my parents, wanting to hear if they had any concerns about me going. They were supportive of my going (as I knew they would be), and in fact, my mom's first reaction was that if she were going on a mission trip this would be the one she'd want to go on.

Later that night, I already had someone offer to contribute to my fundraising efforts for the trip. This was someone who I don't know very well, someone who I would not have expected to offer to make a contribution.

Right away, before I'd fully made up my mind about whether or not to go, God was answering my little concerns about having to take time off from work and raise money for the trip. After a couple of days spent in prayer and discussion with friends and family, I knew that I was indeed supposed to take this trip this year.

And so, by the grace of God, I and a team from our church will head overseas this May. We'll spend a couple of weeks there prayer walking around the area, encouraging the local church members, helping students practice their conversational English skills by using the Bible as a text, and establishing relationships with the people there. Although I wasn't expecting to go on this trip this year, I fully believe that God has been preparing me for this for a very long time.

There are some things that I do expect to happen on this trip. I fully expect that, as it happened when I went to Guatemala, I will leave a piece of my heart in this new country. I expect to make new friends and form bonds that will carry on from this life into eternity. I expect God to open doors and do amazing things, answering prayers beyond our expectations. I expect my faith to grow in leaps and bounds.

As our team begins the process of fundraising, learning a new language, and preparing logistically as well as spiritually for this trip, please pray for us. Pray too for the people that we'll encounter along the way and while we're there. As the earthquake in Haiti has reminded me, life is short, and there are no guarantees of tomorrow. Pray that we will allow God to use us in whatever way He sees fit to expand His kingdom and minister to others in the name of Christ.

This Is the Body

It wasn't until I had some time between work and church tonight that I had a chance to watch the news and see video of the devastation in Haiti following yesterday's earthquake. The images are startling--men and women weeping over bodies of loved ones. Buildings leveled. Thousands of people homeless, sleeping on cardboard, without food or water.

I wept as I watched the news footage, and felt much as I did when watching the catastrophic scenes of the World Trade Center on 9/11, the tsunami, and Hurricane Katrina. I felt an urge to do something. Pray, certainly--but I wanted to do more. Quite honestly, I didn't want to just go to church and sit in class and hear more about how to be a Christian. I wanted us to put the verses about being the body of Christ into effect.

As it turned out, tonight's lesson was on joy in all circumstances, including those of tragedy. We took time to pray for Haiti and for the people working there, and our missions minister said that he'd be getting word out in the next couple of days about some trusted relief organizations that we can donate to, as well as some other ways to help. I left class feeling grateful to be part of a church with people who likewise want to respond to those in need.

When I got home tonight I was touched by this entry on Mike Cope's blog about how his college class responded to the Haiti tragedy and put into practice what they'd been studying in the book of Acts. May every church, every school, every family rise up to be the body for those in need, not only for the people of Haiti, but for people everywhere.

Cease Striving

The other night some friends and I were discussing the messages that we felt God had been telling us lately. One of the recurring messages that He's spoken to me over the past several months is "Cease striving." In other words, I need to quit trying so hard--trying to get people to like me, trying to find a group to fit in with, trying to find a place to belong, trying to hold onto things (including certain habits and even friendships) that I need to let go of and turn over to God.

I think it's a natural tendency for most of us to try pretty hard to make things happen. That's not to say that we don't play an active role at all in our lives, but too often I fall into the trap of trying to "help" God along instead of being still and allowing Him to work. It's particularly hard when He doesn't seem to be moving at all. I'd hate to know how many times I've short-circuited some of His plans for me by jumping ahead and not operating on His timetable.

And so one of my prayers for 2010 and the years to come is that I will stop trying so hard and allow God to bring the people into my life that He wants to be there. That may also include allowing Him to remove some people, and that is a painful prospect. But I want to live life with open hands to receive whatever and whoever He wants to give me, while at the same time not holding so tightly onto them that He can't also remove them when necessary.

Above all, being still and allowing Him to work will further build my faith in Him and my dependence on Him. I definitely want to be sensitive to His leading and to act when He calls me to act, but for now it seems like He's calling me to be still.