Loneliness

Sundays can be lonely, miserable days. Not that I don’t feel lonely other days of the week from time to time, but somehow, sitting in a church building, surrounded by hundreds of people, the loneliness seems amplified. Today was a lonely day.

It’s not just loneliness for a man in my life; I feel a loneliness in the midst of my friendships right now as well. It’s been a tough year for friendships. Two once-solid, long-term friendships ended this year. Two other friends moved away. And right now I feel some distance between other friends. I’m not sure why; I’m still trying to put my finger on the cause of that.

The loneliness does not constantly hang over me, like a rain cloud above Charlie Brown’s head. It comes and goes. It seems to rear its ugly head most on Sundays, which is very ironic. The place where I should most feel like I belong—my church—can sometimes become a place where I feel lonely the most.

This morning during the service, we sang “My life is in You, Lord, my strength is in You, Lord, my hope is in You, Lord.” Those words really took me back for a moment. Really, is my hope in the Lord? I think it is. But I couldn’t help but think that maybe the cause (or part of the cause) of this loneliness is that I don’t always look to Him to meet my needs for companionship and love.

During the Lord’s Supper, I took some time to read through Psalm 34. It’s one of my favorites, especially on days like today.

“Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing…The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry…The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

It’s a great reminder of God’s faithfulness to us, to hear and answer us when we’re lonely and brokenhearted. I’m so thankful that He included promises like that in the Bible.

I know that we all go through seasons of loneliness, that there is a purpose for everything that we deal with, and that God causes all things to work for our good, no matter how bad they seem. I know too that it’s very possible that tomorrow I’ll wake up feeling full of life and love, and shake off the loneliness like I’m shaking off cobwebs. Then again, God could be trying to get my attention through all this. I don’t know. For now, I appreciate your prayers that whatever the reason for this time of loneliness that I’m going through, that my trust, my hope will truly be in God.