Monday, November 22, 2004

In a Spiritual Coma

I’ve been feeling spiritually blah lately. Not dead, but not fully alive either. A spiritual coma, I suppose you could call it.

This is not the result of things going awry in my life. On the contrary, several good things have happened, several unexpected and marvelous blessings have rained down into my life. It’s not that I’m not grateful; I truly am. But so quickly and stealthily, Satan distracts me.

I haven’t been praying much lately. I feel a tug at my heart to do it, and I make excuses about praying later, when I have more time, yadda yadda yadda. Last night we had an awesome praise service at our church, more than a thousand people cramming the pews and lifting up incredible music to God. And in the midst of this symphony of praise, I find myself more in awe of the actual sounds than of the God whom we’re praising. Then I find my mind wandering, thinking about what I need to do at work this week, what I’m making for Thanksgiving dinner, and other mundane thoughts that steal the joy of the moment.

I can sense that my attitude at work, even among good friends, has shifted into a more selfish one. Like Paul, I find myself doing and saying things I do not want to do and say. What a wretched woman I am! I want to live a life fully aware of and alive to God’s power at work within me. I realize this is a lifelong struggle, and I am not alone.

Even Jesus’ closest companions, who were with Him day in and day out, fell asleep on the job. In His greatest hour of anguish, Jesus had to warn them to “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41).

This morning I prayed for the first time in a few days. Funny how even a few days without prayer can make me feel so distant from God. I am incredibly thankful that His compassions are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). His mercies for me are never-ending. But I know that Satan will try all the harder to distract me and get my focus off of God, onto myself or someone or something else. Please pray for me; I’m not fully out of the coma yet.


Anonymous said...

I did not even go to church last night. When we have a time of singing or a prayer service, it is as if that is not "real" church. I've limited God and my worship of Him to a formula instead of an outpouring of praise. I also need to focus on what worship I am giving Him, rather than what I get from a service.


Jon said...

One thing I am learning to do, is to step outside of my life and view my habits. What am I doing each day that is honoring to God. This is very difficult b/c I find that I don't have much "time" to do anything other than work, school, and the routines of personal hygiene. Yet in that time I find that I experience that "foggy" state, accompanied by more doubts, fears, and even depression as opposed to when I try to simplify things. For me, it all starts with prayer. Then I take what steps I can and wait for God to show the rest of the way. Great imagery..."spritiual coma".