Hitting the Wall

There is a term in running vernacular called "hitting the wall." Basically, that means that you reach a point of being physically spent, feeling like you could collapse at any moment. And many people, when they reach that point, do stop. But those who push through the pain and fatigue eventually reach a new phase in their efforts, where they get their "second wind", a renewed sense of energy and focus that propels them to finish the run when moments earlier they were ready to give up.

In our Christian walks, some of us hit the wall and keep going, and some of us hit the wall and give up. Last week was one of those weeks when I hit the wall, emotionally speaking. I felt lower than I'd felt in the past six months--and believe me, I have felt really low during this time so that's saying a lot. I was in a lot of pain, and feeling like I'd made zero progress over the past few months, healing-wise. Satan pulled out his bag of tricks and did his best to convince me that I'd never fully heal, that no one would love me again, that I had no real purpose outside of work, etc. All those nasty lies that start to sound true after you've heard them so many times.

I've never been great about expressing my emotions; I tend to keep them bottled up around other people and let them out when I'm alone. It's a definite pride issue, one that I've battled for a long time. I've gotten really good at putting on a happy face and pretending that I'm fine when I am really not.

And last week I was definitely not feeling "fine." I'd hit the wall, emotionally speaking. But instead of keeping it to myself, I opened up to a few friends, sending an "SOS" asking for their prayers. And then I hit my knees and poured out my heart to God in a way that I hadn't for several weeks.

Within hours, I received several emails from friends with words of encouragement, prayer and Scriptures to share with me. Later in the week, I received cards in the mail from friends who pointed out how they had seen growth and progress in me. I heard from a friend who has been going through a similar experience in feeling useless, so I knew that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. I received encouragement in unexpected ways as well, including from someone who doesn't even know that they encouraged me.

When I hit the wall, it was tempting to just lay on the pavement and not move. To just stay there and watch everyone else run the race without me. But instead I chose to cry out to God, and to my friends, who came to me and picked me up, dusted me off and are running with me.

I still don't feel like I've fully hit my "second wind" just yet, nor am I going at as fast a pace as I think I should be by now. But the important thing is that I'm moving forward.

How thankful I am that, in difficult times, God supplies me with encouragement in so many ways, from the expected to the unexpected. Thank You, Lord, for not giving up on me, even when I'm ready to quit. Thank You for the encouragement You give me through Your Word, through cards and emails, through other people's blogs, through music, through so many ways. Thank You for the people You have put in my life to run alongside me and pick me up when I fall. Help me to keep my eyes focused on You, forgetting what is behind and striving toward the life that is ahead.