Stubbornness

Last night I tossed and turned a good deal of the night. My body was tired but my mind was racing. Lately I've been feeling my stress level inch northward bit by bit. Our biggest meeting of the year at work is coming up in less than three weeks, and I still have plenty to do to prepare for it.

As if that wasn't stressful enough, just a week after returning from the meeting, I'll be taking off for my mission trip to Guatemala. Honestly, I've been so focused on the meeting that Guatemala has been put on the backburner of my mind. But suddenly I'm realizing that I have a lot of shopping and packing to do for the trip. And I'm starting to get a little freaked out.

As I lay in bed last night I felt a nudge to turn on my bedside lamp and spend time in prayer. Stubbornly, I ignored the nudge, trying to convince myself that sleep was impending. I offered up some half-hearted prayers for sleep and peace and continued my tossing and turning.

Then I felt an impression to read Psalm 120. I didn't even know what Psalm 120 said off the top of my head. Once again, my stubbornness kicked in and I chose instead to stay in bed and hope to salvage at least a few hours of rest.

God, in His infinite mercy, did grant me sleep at last. But I am certain that my sleep would have come more quickly, and been much more restful, had I set aside stubbornness and pride and instead spent time talking with Him about all the events going on that I'm feeling stressed out about.

After getting out of bed this morning, I flipped open my Bible to Psalm 120. Sheepishly, I read the first verse:

I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.

I couldn't help but laugh at how silly I am sometimes. Even after all these years of leaning on God, I still struggle at times to give up that control and pour our my heart to Him. When will I ever learn?