Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Time to Heal

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
...a time to kill and a time to heal (Ecclesiastes 3:1,3a)

I've been talking with a friend who is struggling through the loss of a close friendship. It's happened over the past few months, and it bothers her that this friendship still affects her so greatly, especially when the other party in this friendship does not seem to care. We both think that she is better off--but there is still a great sense of hurt and loss.

I myself have struggled the last few years with the loss of a relationship that continues to affect me. It's easy to let myself become frustrated because I still hurt over it and, therefore, feel like I'm not as far along in the healing process as I think I should be. There are times when I wish I could wave a magic wand and the hurt feelings would be gone.

Today I reminded my friend--as I've had to remind myself countless times--that she is experiencing a significant loss, and that she needs to allow time to grieve. Healing is a process, not one that happens overnight, and definitely not one that happens in textbook manner. What brings healing to you may not bring healing to me. What takes you a month to get over may take me a year, or vice versa. We all grieve differently--there is no wrong or right way to grieve, nor is there a timeline to follow.

God has certainly worked on my heart over the years and brought a lot of healing, but I still sense more to be done. As He allows memories to spring up unheeded and pain to come forth unexpectedly, I am trying to keep turning it over to Him, not resisting the pain but rather pressing into it and asking God what He's trying to teach me in the midst of it.


Jana said...

You are so right. You have to give yourself time. And sometimes the feelings will come back, and you have to allow yourself time to grieve all over again. Dealing with grief is a process (continuing for a certain period of time) not an event (singular action, use up a box of Kleenex for an afternoon and then it's over). So many people try to help by saying, hey, cheer up, but really they should just say, I'm here for you.

Lisa said...

Jana, thanks for the encouraging words. You're so sweet and understanding. I'm blessed to have many friends who I can lean on when I'm feeling low and remind me that God's working things out, even though it may not make sense to me right now. Better days are ahead.

Donna G said...

Sometimes I think it is easier to deal with a death than losing a relationship....the sense of longing is accompanied by the thought that it might just go back to the way it was. Your friend is lucky to have you to help with the process.