Enough

Am I the only one who struggles with an identity crisis from time to time? Something tells me I'm not, but for the sake of those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, let me enlighten you a bit. I'm normally a laidback, go with the flow, optimistic, cheerful person. But once in a while, doubt and insecurity rear their ugly heads. I begin to question the reason for my existence. I wonder if my friends really like me. I suspect that I am way off track in reaching the purpose that God has for me being here and that I'm just wasting my life.

(Can I get a witness?)

It's even harder when I run into people, whether in real life or on Facebook or email, who seem to be leading adventuresome lives filled with families and great job opportunities and travel and ministry. When they ask what's new with me, I usually can't think of anything equally exciting to share. Discovering a great new restaurant or new laundry detergent, while nerdily thrilling to me, just does not seem all that glamorous in comparsion.

At times like this, it's tempting to start playing the "more" game. If only I were more [fill in the blank]. More talented. More disciplined. More athletic. More generous. More stylish. More patient. More careful with my finances. More motivated. More committed to reading my Bible.

I think you get the point.

The problem with the "more" game is that "more" is not really enough. The thing is, I can keep piling on "more" of everything--including more guilt that I haven't done "more" with my life--and that still won't solve my identity crisis. It's at times like these when I have to be reminded that I am already enough. Not because of anything I've done--but because God has told me that I'm enough.

Over the past couple of years, whenever I've started fretting over my future and try to figure things out and how I can be "more" of whatever it is I think I need to be more of, I've sensed God whispering to me, "Cease striving." That refrain has echoed in my head time after time, reminding me that it's not up to me to make things happen. I'm to ask, seek, knock--and wait for God to answer.

Just last night I was in one of those "more" moods. As I turned in for the night and picked up the book I'm currently reading, I immediately came across this little gem: "Stop striving to be more and appreciate what it is you already are." How thoughtful of God to plunk that sentence down in front of me at just the right time. I laughed. I am enough.