The Rest of Me

Today is Easter Sunday. All across the world, people are dressing in their Sunday best and packing the aisles of churches. Our church had three services today, including a sunrise service. And I was not at any of them.

Last week I came down with a particularly nasty upper respiratory infection, and, aside from a few household chores, I've spent the weekend resting. This morning I woke up coughing my head off along with a bit of a sinus headache, and I decided to stay home from church and get some more rest (not to mention spare my fellow church-goers from my germs).

Although I did miss being with my friends at church, I think that this time alone was truly what I needed today. For several months now I've been going pretty much non-stop. Work has kept me especially busy, but I've also had several activities outside of work that have kept me running. Not only was my body at a point of burnout, but my mind and spiritual life as well.

Lately at church I've felt like I've been going through the motions. While I may have been there in body, I spent many services with my mind elsewhere, usually thinking about things I needed to do at home or at work. By all outward appearances I was engaged in the worship, but that was an illusion.

So today I spent some long overdue quiet time with God. Not the rushed five to ten minutes that I've been spending lately with Him, but some really meaningful time of Scripture, reflection and prayer. I prayed especially about this sense of apathy that I've felt with church lately and of my desire to be fully engaged there. I don't want to keep going through the motions. I don't want to see church as something to check off my to-do list for the week. I want more than just my physical presence there--I want my emotional and spiritual presence.

Perhaps it's fitting that I make this re-commitment to worship on Easter Sunday. Because Christ rose from the grave, there is hope for change. There is belief that the impossible can be possible. And, most importantly, there is the promise of new life, both on Earth and in Heaven.

As much as I hate being sick, I'm thankful for this downtime to get some rest for my body and for my mind and soul. This is a time of renewal and--dare I say it--resurrection for some parts of me that have slumbered too long. I feel that God is preparing me for some great changes ahead, and I'm excited to see what direction He's taking me.